She said what?

I never thought it significant to run your mouth and basically meddle into people’s’ businesses. I imagine people who desperately seek attention and demand to be noticed by all means to secretly admire this lifestyle. In other words the empty vessels make the most noise.
I certainly know it only takes a kind heart and some humanity to celebrate with those that are celebrating and mourn with those that are mourning. Unfortunately life does not always play out as we expect or as it should. There are monsters in humans’ skin among us that are always waiting for that moment when life will throw you a curve ball so they can hit a home run. A lot of times this is the same person that acts closest to you and seeks to know your deepest secrets.
Whatever does not break you makes you stronger, or so I have heard. Although words can hurt and cut you on the inside like a sword, it should be clear who you can trust and open up. You live and you learn.
My heart, and your heart is like a mansion guarded by vicious dogs and surrounded by high gates and you can only allow someone to enter but not without your permission. I am wearing a big invisible sign that reads; TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT, AND SURVIVORS WILL BE SHOT AGAIN!
Now, since still waters runs deep let the wise solve the riddle and the not so wise continue to add mileage to their buccals. In essence it is the fuel to my life that pushes and drives me to the success that I am setting forth to do. When you wear a smile on the outside while on the inside your rotten, its only a matter of minutes before that shows up to.

When does helping need to stop?

Make the most out of life… Live this day like it is your last…

These and many more are among encouragements and/or quotes that have been directed to me for the past few months. They all look and sound so enticing and fun to do. But I had to learn them the hard way. Obviously life is like a roller coaster; made up of highs and lows. Unfortunately these lows could get so deep that you might not be able to come back up.

So there it goes; Once again I had to learn the hard way how to say NO sometimes. To hell with being Mr. Nice Guy and cheers to taking a different role. I am fine with being called names but I will no longer push myself so far trying to be nice only to find myself in a hole that nobody could take me out of.

It is good sometimes to say NO even to your very own loved ones. Always take care of yourself first because you matter more. If you were not able to take care of yourself then it makes no sense attempting to take care of others. After all the appreciation you get at the end of it all does not measure up to the risks you took and going out of your way trying to save the world.

There I said it and I will say it again. Of course we are supposed to help each other, because you never know when you will equally need to be helped. But as much as the need to want to help comes always remember that you come first. And most importantly you cannot save the world or solve half of the problems that people around you are having. Better yet you cannot lead a blind man, when you cannot see where you are going either.

With that being said and done my HELPLINE is out of service, don’t bother calling.

When would you NOT help somebody that is in need?

At the end of the storm

I long for the day the storm will calm down in my life. I must say the past 4 months have been the hardest ever in my life. I have encountered with more hardships and obstacles than I have had good moments. I was so close to quitting and say to hell with this life but I found hope and strength in God again. Even though I am still struggling and haven’t seen a light at the end of the tunnel, He is still beside me.
Part of me has forgotten what not having problems feels like anymore. Let me see when was the last time I didn’t have to worry about past due bills…? It must have been way back that I can’t even remember. And as if things couldn’t get any worse, At the beginning of August my father got ill and a little short while after, he died. I don’t remember experiencing a pain like this in the past. Upon receiving the news about my father’s death, I passed out and when I came back to my senses it was the darkest moment in my life. I felt such a void that couldn’t be replaced.
This was the only time the family was distraught all at once and the shock wave of the news transpired everywhere and phone calls of condolences started ringing back to back. While the family still mourned each member was going through personal hardships; bank accounts were over drafted, eviction notes hang by the doors, vehicles close to repossession, dropped out of school programs, family fighting with family, and having problems with the criminal justice system.
Having gone through all this and still being able to keep our heads up has been a great milestone and is on the right track to healing. I must admit it is hard to keep a positive mind after having gone through the things we have been through but nothing lasts forever. There is a time to be happy and a time to mourn. I have had both.

What strategies do you use to recuperate from various crisis?

My short biography


Every hour we live brings us closer to our goals, every minute we breathe brings us closer to our death, and every second we live is a chance to become a better person. We are humans, we are bound to make mistakes. I have messed up so many times that I can’t keep count but each time I do I learn quickly and move on up.

I look back at where I came from and every time I do I never fail to tear down. Tears of joy and not sorrow. Who knew that on this date I would be where I am at now? I dreamt of it, I had prayed over it, but it just never occurred to me that it would have happened anytime sooner than it did. It’s like there’s someone who has my life laid out and I am just acting the role.

Born in the mid 80s to a middle class family, and raised partly somewhere in the Congo and then in Kenya, life was good. I had 5 elder brothers that loved each other but also had conflicts with one another like every family does; but the bond we had with each other was solid. It goes on to this date even though we are grown and living separately.

I was a happy-go-lucky young man. I made a lot of friends, I cried, I played, I laughed, and I was torn apart. Sometimes I think if we knew what was to come ahead then life wouldn’t be as interesting. It is more exciting to watch your life unfold before your eyes. As many families would, ours went through some hardships and eventually broke up. My father went through a mid-life crisis or call it quarter life crisis and caused the family a lot of turmoil. Two of my brothers got lucky and moved to overseas. As the financial situation got strenuous they would greatly help us back home. At some point our education got interrupted now and then because we could not afford the tuition and we would be on and off school. My father, the bread-winner stopped caring. My mother had to go out of her way and become the bread-winner to the youngest children left at home; my kid sister, my brother, and I. The love of a mother runs deeper than the ocean. I watched my mother beat herself up to feed us and send us back to school. She technically died so we could live. I love her to death. The financial situation got so bad that finally we lost our house and my father took off. We were on the streets. Life became so bitter that death almost tasted sweet. I considered suicide at one point but thought of how much it would affect my mother; how selfish of me. We were not in the streets for a long time; different families picked us up and again our family got smaller. My mother kept working hard to bring us home and eventually she managed.

We were living in our small apartment and skipping some meals but the joy of having each other was satisfactory. After completing high school I started to hustle and help my mother out a bit. My big break came when I landed a sitcom role on national tv. It was a great experience, and the money was good too. In 2006 a call from one of my elder brothers brightened my mother’s world and ours too. It was a call to leave behind all our miseries and go have a better life. It was with such joy that we left our home country to come live in America but a piece of my heart (my brother) was left. Life has been great, we have each made great achievements individually and are still continuing to make ourselves better.

Who do you have to thank in your life for where you are today?

Out of the blue

Starting a family is an innate feeling that haunts most of us as we become of age; the need to care for your own child especially if you hang around friends who have kids. The feeling is amazing once you actually get to bond with your child. As you hold that child in your arms and gaze into his eyes, the world just gets a whole new meaning. It is amazing how even the rowdies of all men could settle down once this life changing moment arrives. On the contrary how sad would it be to bring a helpless being into this earth only to disown it for your own selfish reasons. Children deserve the world. It’s among the best celebrations, to welcome a child in this world. A lot of my male buddies admit to have been scared out of their pants at first just because they had no clue how the child would affect their lives. I am first to admit I was clueless but suddenly I mastered fatherhood. Certainly men are just as excited as the mothers to become parents. It’s a call to duty, it’s a new relationship being established, it’s a dream come true.
I woke up to a terrifying nightmare the other day. My son had just turned 2 and could talk a lot more fluently. He approached me and said,”daddy I need new clothes!”. Apparently he had worn the same clothes and the other kids were making fun of him. I thought to myself, why would he ask for new clothes when he had a closet full of name brands.It hadn’t occurred to me that I had just woken up in such poverty that I couldn’t support my family. I was so terrified that I jumped out of bed feeling like I had run a 100 meter race. It’s the scariest feeling not being able to provide.
My son gave me the purpose for life and turned my life around. He is the reason I wake up every morning and very enthusiastically attend work and/or school. What more can I say but I have become a better person because of the precious gift from God.

What about you, what has made you into a better person today?

Final buzzer

I was still in high school when it happened, free spirited, and careless. I loved boarding school; it was the place to be. I didn’t care about grades although I was a smart kid and had no thoughts about college. I was having fun and that’s what really mattered at the time. The essence of life had not yet occurred to me. I was the class clown and the life of the party. Change is the only constant as much we would like to disagree but it is bound to come and for sure it did for me.
He always had a smile that could light up a room and laughed constantly. He was friendly and enjoyed the company of people. He was a people’s person. He could sing and when he struck the hell out of the guitar you had to burst a move. He was a great singer too and loved life. I could still hear his voice speaking to me and saying, “It will be fine”. I believed in everything he said, I always did. Somehow he seemed to know a great deal of things. His eyes shone like a lamp and every time he came around our hearts rejoiced. When he began wasting away, it was alarming to the whole family. Suddenly he became weak and wouldn’t walk well on his own. Nevertheless he fought the illness and assured me he would be fine but at this point I was beginning to wonder on which side God’s scale of life was tipping. I hadn’t lost a close family and was not ready to. I prayed for him that he would recover from whatever illness had captured his body.
It was during the third semester of school, being silly as usual but in the back of my head always thought what I would do if the unexpected happened. As much as I loved boarding school, it was a joy to go back home in the middle of the semester just to eat the home cooked food. The unusual happened when my mother called the school and asked for me to go back home urgently. It didn’t occur to me what might have happened but I was excited to go eat my mother’s meals. I arrived home and went straight into the kitchen and started eating. My mother and I have been close for so long that I can read her body language like an open book. She had brought up my uncle, my father’s youngest brother. She loved him just like her own. He was adorable and everybody loved him. On this day my mother didn’t seem herself. Suddenly she asked me to sit down and she brought out a bible. I looked at her and before she spoke I knew the worst had happened. I held my breath and wished that I was wrong and waited for her to speak. She said, “let us pray”. After the word of prayer she read a verse in the bible and it gave it away right then. She read Job 1:21. I started tearing up. She couldn’t watch her son breaking down in tears because she knew how close we were, and she broke down too. We hugged and then she finally broke the news that my dearest uncle had kicked the bucket a few days ago and it hit me that it was when I was praying for him.
As if that was not enough, when my grandmother learned about her son’s death she fell to the ground and died right away. It was the greatest loss of the family in the shortest time ever. R.I.P grandma, R.I.P uncle… I will always love y’all.

Christmas is here.

Christmas is getting close and here I am thousands of miles from those I call family. Of course I have made new friends and family here but it just does not feel the same. I remember growing up when we would all sit down around our big dining table and eat together as family. My mother would cook some delicious meals, I can almost taste each one of them as I am writing. The sweet aroma in the kitchen that would keep everyone from going anywhere far from home still lingers in the back of my head. Then she would serve it with love and a perfect smile on her face. That’s what I call love. Everyone would look forward to dig into their food but not without a word of prayer and thanksgiving. While holding hands and all eyes closed, the sweet soothing voice of my mother would raise and say a prayer then the feast would begin. How I look forward for only one of those days when all nine of us including mom and dad would sit down together and just be merry and talk throughout the day then visit with other relatives.

Family is the most important thing. I thank God for keeping each one of us alive and I just want to say that I love each one of them for they have made me the man that I am today. Although they might not be here I believe one of these days we shall be able to sit down together and have one of those merry merry christmas meals that we used to have years ago before life separated us.

Merry christmas to all!