She said what?

I never thought it significant to run your mouth and basically meddle into people’s’ businesses. I imagine people who desperately seek attention and demand to be noticed by all means to secretly admire this lifestyle. In other words the empty vessels make the most noise.
I certainly know it only takes a kind heart and some humanity to celebrate with those that are celebrating and mourn with those that are mourning. Unfortunately life does not always play out as we expect or as it should. There are monsters in humans’ skin among us that are always waiting for that moment when life will throw you a curve ball so they can hit a home run. A lot of times this is the same person that acts closest to you and seeks to know your deepest secrets.
Whatever does not break you makes you stronger, or so I have heard. Although words can hurt and cut you on the inside like a sword, it should be clear who you can trust and open up. You live and you learn.
My heart, and your heart is like a mansion guarded by vicious dogs and surrounded by high gates and you can only allow someone to enter but not without your permission. I am wearing a big invisible sign that reads; TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT, AND SURVIVORS WILL BE SHOT AGAIN!
Now, since still waters runs deep let the wise solve the riddle and the not so wise continue to add mileage to their buccals. In essence it is the fuel to my life that pushes and drives me to the success that I am setting forth to do. When you wear a smile on the outside while on the inside your rotten, its only a matter of minutes before that shows up to.

Let’s take a moment of silence

Passion has walked out the door in many relationships. It is dead and buried. Partners are frustrated because they are not receiving the correct dosage of passion which was initially being prescribed.

I conducted a short research if you may, among some friends and some strangers at school and a little far wide to get to the bottom of this.

Here are some of the danger signs that a relationship is on its verge of breaking up. In most of these cases if the AED is activated the partners could be resuscitated;

Lack of intimacy:

Usually one partner gets frustrated as s/he seeks attention but in vain. Intimacy may include but not restricted to hand holding, kissing, touching, and just to name a few.

Overcrowding and nagging:

Most of the guys complained of not being allowed some space or personal time and that their privacy was being violated over and over. Some breathing space is of the essence.

Not spending time together:

I got this response especially from the women that expressed some sort of anger for allegedly being deserted by their men. It occurred to me that a little time with the Mrs. would be much appreciated.

Lack of communication:

Miscommunication and lack of communication go hand in hand. a little conversation could go a long way in any relationship, it is the adhesive that keeps the partners together.


There has been a lot of infidelity reported in several relationships. Some claim not to be satisfied while some claim to do it because they want to get back at their partners for once doing it to them. There were a few more reasons that came up for partners cheating. One other reason was as a result of lack of the thrill in their sexual lives.

What other reasons might be out there that might lead to the death of a relationship and what things can be done to revive or keep the fire burning?

Let’s meet in the middle

It seems so obvious yet it just dawned on me that as we are passing judgement on others, others are also passing judgement on us. Thank God for that vantage of wisdom. This came to me as a contemporary with a recent incident. Picture this; A guy and a girl on a blind date sit at a fancy restaurant getting to know each other. The girl thinks Mr.X is just not as attractive and doesn’t fit into her list of Mr.Right. The guy on the other hand thinks Mrs.Y is just not as hilarious as he would date therefore he begins to daydream. They still laugh through the date as if they are satisfied with each other but solely not. Now that’s the epitome of pretense but it’s the truth.

How do we fix this train wreck? We all have expectations of all sorts. We don’t always get our way and that’s just how life has been programmed. I expect to get paid a lot more than I already do because I think I am a good worker and qualified but my employer won’t give me a raise yet. I therefore resorted to get a higher education and then I could probably get what I’ve always wanted. That is just a speck of the idea.

There are thousands of instances where the same ideation could apply. The inception to fair relations in all relationships should embark here. Allow me to serve as the mediator to this arbitration here and now. I don’t mean to be a clown but the verdict here should say: In order to be safe and satisfied, loosen up your expectations and go the extra mile to fit in the expectations of others. I guess what I am trying to say is more of do unto others as you would have them do unto you than change your personality and beliefs at the cost of so and so. It only makes sense.

Is trying to find a common ground a fair game; Why or why not?

Men and dogs

A man’s animal’s instincts are rather pleasurable to some extent; a dog to be precise. Men put a lot of emphasis on sex in a relationship so much that it’s basically the foundation of it. I have spoke to a lot of friends of mine and a majority of them have only one concern; not getting enough. I am not sure where I am going with this yet but I wonder what men do to refer them to dogs. Is it really justifiable?
A lot of times when my friends and I are hanging out, talking loudly and laughing hysterically and eventually one of our phones rings, you could immediately tell right off the bat if it’s a female on the other end of the phone. Study shows that dogs like to be dominant over the weaker ones. They like to pick up a fight and their tone gets low if they dominate. It’s always funny to see a man suddenly change the tone of his voice when somebody they are in love with calls. They tend to speak slower, clearer and with a bass.
Growing up, we had Labradors. I loved the dogs and the puppies they brought were just adorable. They say a dog is a man’s best friend. I played with the dogs and observed them everyday. A male dog just never gets enough sex. I watched our male dog have sex with several dogs in the neighborhood and even had sex with his puppies. Dogs just want to chase the next dog at every chance they get and so based on these few similarities men have come to be called “dogs”. Similarly men will chase the next skirt whenever possible. Unlike females, men may not be very picky. Females tend to be attracted to handsome, tall, rich and certain complexion guys. On the other hand, men may not scrutinize as much but favor curvaceous women.
Men want and search for hot, steamy sex that will blow off their minds. They like to be teased a little and sometimes left to wonder what if…. A tip to the ladies on how to keep your men obsessed; wear a teensy, weensy little red dress that hugs your body like your skin with a matching red thong. Turn around a little and let him see the shape of your thong. Wear a little make up and spray a little catchy fragrance. The hair should be long enough and cascading to your shoulders and preferably curled. Throw it back and gaze at him piercingly into his eyes. Talk in a sexy, deep womanly voice and smile sensually. Now romantically grab his hands and guide him over all your precious curves while you caress his manly parts and whisper in his ear how bad you want him. Now walk away and see what happens 

The ex factor

I don’t know what’s weirder; ordering soul food at a Chinese restaurant or getting a surprise call or text from a past lover after so many years of breaking it off. Is it usually completely over once two people that dated break up?
I believe this is debatable. If you had kids from a past relationship it is rather obvious that you will be getting calls and/or text messages from your ex. In fact you should not even wait to get a call from the parent that got custody of the kids, but you should be the one picking up the phone and calling to find out how your kids are doing. So what if on the other hand, no kids were involved in the relationship and you have moved on to another relationship? Is a call or text from the ex legitimate? Would your spouse be overreacting if s/he found out that you have been speaking with an ex and got jealous?
There should have been a reason the two of you broke up in the first place; whether you caught them cheating on you or you were just not compatible, or the relationship was abusive and decided to call it quits. One thing would lead to another if for any reason a past relationship would be rekindled. On the other hand what caliber of inhumanity would it be if you met an ex that was in need and indeed denied to help? Are there rules to follow as far as exes are concerned?
Your conscious is always crystal clear unless if you are a downright murderer. If you do it and your conscious says no, then you know it’s wrong. It would be unacceptable if you start flirting with an ex knowing that you are in another relationship. If anything it is dangerous; it’s like a land mine waiting to be stepped on and explode.

Final buzzer

I was still in high school when it happened, free spirited, and careless. I loved boarding school; it was the place to be. I didn’t care about grades although I was a smart kid and had no thoughts about college. I was having fun and that’s what really mattered at the time. The essence of life had not yet occurred to me. I was the class clown and the life of the party. Change is the only constant as much we would like to disagree but it is bound to come and for sure it did for me.
He always had a smile that could light up a room and laughed constantly. He was friendly and enjoyed the company of people. He was a people’s person. He could sing and when he struck the hell out of the guitar you had to burst a move. He was a great singer too and loved life. I could still hear his voice speaking to me and saying, “It will be fine”. I believed in everything he said, I always did. Somehow he seemed to know a great deal of things. His eyes shone like a lamp and every time he came around our hearts rejoiced. When he began wasting away, it was alarming to the whole family. Suddenly he became weak and wouldn’t walk well on his own. Nevertheless he fought the illness and assured me he would be fine but at this point I was beginning to wonder on which side God’s scale of life was tipping. I hadn’t lost a close family and was not ready to. I prayed for him that he would recover from whatever illness had captured his body.
It was during the third semester of school, being silly as usual but in the back of my head always thought what I would do if the unexpected happened. As much as I loved boarding school, it was a joy to go back home in the middle of the semester just to eat the home cooked food. The unusual happened when my mother called the school and asked for me to go back home urgently. It didn’t occur to me what might have happened but I was excited to go eat my mother’s meals. I arrived home and went straight into the kitchen and started eating. My mother and I have been close for so long that I can read her body language like an open book. She had brought up my uncle, my father’s youngest brother. She loved him just like her own. He was adorable and everybody loved him. On this day my mother didn’t seem herself. Suddenly she asked me to sit down and she brought out a bible. I looked at her and before she spoke I knew the worst had happened. I held my breath and wished that I was wrong and waited for her to speak. She said, “let us pray”. After the word of prayer she read a verse in the bible and it gave it away right then. She read Job 1:21. I started tearing up. She couldn’t watch her son breaking down in tears because she knew how close we were, and she broke down too. We hugged and then she finally broke the news that my dearest uncle had kicked the bucket a few days ago and it hit me that it was when I was praying for him.
As if that was not enough, when my grandmother learned about her son’s death she fell to the ground and died right away. It was the greatest loss of the family in the shortest time ever. R.I.P grandma, R.I.P uncle… I will always love y’all.

Circle of friends

Life is like music, but I shouldn’t have danced to all the tunes. When I narrate my stories I realize that I am like an actor and the world is my stage and everyone around me is the cast. I want my audience to see me through the words that I write. Yet if I could I would have changed the script over a couple times. But we learn from mistakes and grow from them, the goal is ahead. I have changed my character severally as the years have gone by. Although I only stand 5 foot 6, I feel like I am 10 foot tall, because I have grown from my mistakes, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.
San Diego, CA was a good city. I left and relocated to Iowa, IA. These two cities are the total opposite of each other. I learned to adjust to the different lifestyle, weather and had a new circle of friends or so I thought. I was in for a rude shock. Word on the street was that the particular people I began hanging out with, were troublesome and venomous to be precise. I did not pay attention to the rumors and was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. As a matter of fact we were already becoming closer and closer. I wanted to see it in order to believe it. Little did I know I was being misled by the outward appearance and that the friendship would soon grow into a hideous competition?
To some extent I was lonely and wanted to belong and I felt like I was in the right place, at least at that moment. A little too far into the friendship I met a girl that caught my eye (I am going to call her Alexis for privacy purposes)but was a distant relative of my then wing man (I am going to call him Cletus for privacy reasons). As we started talking, I realized that my friend Cletus wasn’t pleased by it but at the end of the day we started dating. During our courtship I got to learn how dysfunctional Cletus’ family was. Soon our friendship started falling apart and by this time I was positive and over the moon convinced that I was going down the wrong path. I was backstabbed several times and yet still remained a friend. A lot of harsh words were spoken behind my back and could just not understand why so much bitterness against me. Well for one I had a beautiful apartment, a well paying job; I dated somebody that everybody loved to hate, was an attractive young man (still is ), and was just living comfortably. That was enough to stir up hatred and such zeal to see my downfall.

On a summer day of 2009 I decided I had had enough of this small town yet very troubled and was getting ready to relocate to Dallas, TX with my cousin, Florence. I had laid down a plan and Florence was willing to help me get through with it. On the morning just before my final was scheduled, there was a loud knock at the door that changed my life completely. Remember Cletus who had wanted to destroy my life? Of all the rumors he had spread about me, none of them brought out a reaction such as this. He had crossed the line. According to Iowa’s law 709C.1, it’s a class B felony with a penalty of not more than 25 years in jail to intentionally sleep around knowing that you have an STD. With that being said and done, I was being “linked” to this crime, as rumors had it, by allowing my then girlfriend’s sister (I will call her Margaret for privacy purposes) to sleep with another friend (I am going to call him Bob for privacy purposes) of mine and yet being aware of her HIV status. On that fateful day, Bob came over to my apartment panting and scared shitless. He called me to the side and told me he just spoke to Cletus and he told him that Margaret was HIV positive and I knew about but failed to fore warn him but it was already too late because he had slept with her. For all I knew I was not ready to spend a quarter of a century in jail for some crap like that. I told Margaret about the rumor and you could literally see her breathe fire from her nose. She was enraged. Everybody around town knew she was not a person to mess around with. Cletus had completely crossed the line. Margaret was ready to kick some ass but I was able to calm her down and told her we could go and talk to him calmly and get to the root of it as well as clear my name off that stupid rumor. That was the beginning of bad things to come. Coming close to Cletus apartment, you could see him peek through his bedroom window. Margaret and her girlfriends went upstairs while Alexis and I hang around the staircase. Margaret knocked on the door but in vain. Having seen Cletus peek through the window, Margaret was convinced that he was inside and running away from trouble that he had caused. Suddenly I heard a thud and then a few screams and some struggle that went on for a few seconds. Margaret had broken into the apartment. All of a sudden Cletus came running down the flight of stairs like lightening and past me. I tried to stop him but ran fast as a deer. I tried to catch up with him and while I trailed behind him I kept saying, “I just wanna talk”, over and over but he looked back and said, “I swear I am going to lock you up”. It made no sense. On the other hand Cletus’ uncle was hurling insults at me, belittling me and this got the best of me. I was bubbling with anger and I swung a punch at him. He was reluctant to fight back. Alexis held me back and begged me to simmer down. Little did we know that while we were walking towards Cletus’ apartment, he had already called the police on us? No arrests were made but my name had been given to the police by Cletus. On the morning of May 9th at 9:30am the police came to my apartment and arrested all of us and despite Margaret taking all the blame, Cletus insisted that I was the one that broke his door, beat him up, destroyed his property and stole his money. I was in jail for 24 days after which he was begged to drop the charges. I ended up being dropped out of my respiratory therapy class and wasted a whole 3 weeks of my life, and ruined plans that I had for the future. It’s with such pain that I am writing this but also thankful to God that I am at a place in life where I can stand tall again.

Real talk

Have you ever wondered to yourself why many human relationships do not last long? Or why is it that there is so much fighting amongst us? Do not be fooled by the friendly smile at a lunch date with a so called friend. All they might be doing is trying to dig some dirt from you. A few days later the whole town might be knowing about you. Gossip spreads like bush fire. Be very watchful of such friends. Their tongues are like matches ready to ignite a fire. You might think you have found a friend you could rely on and trust with all your secrets. Not too fast.
I am the friendly type and once you meet me you will realize that very quickly. My mother always used to warn me from trusting people too quickly. But I never realized the danger of it until something I had said to a friend whom I had trusted came back having been blown out of its proportion. It now made sense to me why everytime I was around people that I knew, they gave me the ugly looks and did not want to talk to me. Little did I know that what I had said to my friend long time ago had finally surfaced. But the way I heard it is not the way I had said it. My mother’s words slowly started coming back to me.
As much as we are social beings, we tend to break the rules of true friendship. I consider myself a true friend but I don’t like to hear all about my friend’s life. Of course I am more than happy to offer a crying shoulder and help whenever I could but if only you didn’t tell too much. Don’t get me wrong but your secrets are safe with me. Does that make you feel better? Nobody should be so content with somebody else knowing so much about them with the exception of a married couple. Even married couples break the rules sometimes especially when they argue and they each go to seek solace in somebody else. I know what you are thinking but don’t you go there. Do not tell your friend about what just went on between you and your spouse lest you be on the front page of the Daily Iowan. Then who could you trust? Call it absurd but your only true friend is Jesus Christ. He only wants to really help you. He does not need to know your problems so He could tell Tom, Dick, and Harry about. No! He truly wants to help you.
I choose my friends wisely now, I watch what I speak I just don’t bluster words, I don’t pay attention to other peoples’ gossip as it does not do me any good neither does it add or decrease anything in my life. If so and so just bought a private jet, good for them just keep driving your little Kia, if so and so just got arrested for dealing drugs, well sorry but life has to move on. See you on the other side of the bars. If you feel like this is about you… Maybe it is and if you agree with it then the truth has to be told.